Dear Mr. Franzen, Twitter Isn’t the Problem

Image credit: Ulf Anderson/Getty Images
Image credit: Ulf Anderson/Getty Images

Jonathan Franzen recently reentered the public sphere with a jeremiad about the evils of self-promotion and that great 21st-century Moloch—the Internet. And he did so on the Guardian’s website with a 6,500-word promotional piece from his upcoming book. So remember when Kim Kardashian complained to her trusty cameraman—who was filming her Pilates class—that the paparazzi were so intrusive that she couldn’t attend a simple Pilates class without being caught on tape. Yeah, Franzen’s piece is kind of like that but with fewer single leg stretches. He’s incapable of admitting that he’s part of the very machine he’s criticizing.

Franzen—with his horned-rim glasses and punch-me smirk—appears to believe he inhabits some parallel economy untethered to the modern world. Adam Smith’s invisible hand apparently can’t reach Santa Cruz, CA. Who knew? Although he bemoans the passing of an age in which real writers didn’t have to self-publicize and were left alone to contemplate mortality and screw undergraduates, he doesn’t seem to understand that (a) this reality only existed for a very small segment of the literary world (i.e., a very white and very male segment) and (b) that it was brought about by the same forces of capitalist development that he abhors.

I may be a hardened lefty, but I do know that you don’t become a wealthy author because independent bookstores hand-sell copies of your work to eager, bespeckled readers of The Paris Review. You become a wealthy author because a publicity team at Farrar Straus Giroux funnels millions of copies of The Corrections and Freedom to big box chains who sell them at discounts that pummel the independent bookstores, leaving little shelf space for other deserving authors whose race or gender disqualifies them from becoming “the face of literary greatness.” So Franzen isn’t some quasi-socialist saint speaking truth to power. He’s an IKEA couch. Continue reading “Dear Mr. Franzen, Twitter Isn’t the Problem”

Dear Grown Men, Leave One Direction Fans Alone!

Photo credit: ONE News
Image credit: ONE News

Imagine the most offensive phrase a 30-something journalist could use to describe a tween girl. Whatever you’re thinking couldn’t possibly be worse than “knicker wetting banshee” because a term worse than “knicker wetting banshee” doesn’t exist. But this is what British GQ thinks of One Direction fans—who, we should remember, are a bunch of little girls.

While much has been written about the vicious Twitter war instigated by British GQ’s cover story on the reigning kings of tween pop, the coverage mostly treats their young fans as, at best, insipid fools and, at worst, dangerous, high-pitched estrogen zombies. No one asks whether all this screaming has a purpose. No one asks if the ritual of pop idolatry may actually be important for these young girls. And they should because it actually is. I know this because I was once a 13-year-old girl. And I was an intense fan. And even a pack of smug GQ editors couldn’t have ripped that Leonardo DiCaprio calendar out of my cold, dead hands.

Continue reading “Dear Grown Men, Leave One Direction Fans Alone!”

New Yorker to Women: Drop Dead

Image Credit: Bloomsbury USA
Image Credit: Bloomsbury USA

Do you know what I often expect to find after reading a graphic depiction of domestic violence? Uxoricidal comedy. Because living women can be such a burden, but dead wives, on the other hand… They’re simply a hoot.

Last week’s New Yorker featured a story about the innovative techniques currently used to fight domestic violence—with detailed descriptions of a woman who was stalked, raped, brutally beaten, and ultimately shot to death in front of her child. And then the very same issue also included this charming anecdote in James Wood’s featured critical essay “Sins of the Father”:

Almost twenty years ago, George Steiner suggested in these pages that doing philosophy was incompatible with domestic life. Speaking of the troubled French thinker Louis Althusser, Steiner proposed that sometimes it might be necessary for a philosopher to strangle his wife.

Are you laughing yet? Because Althusser did, in fact, strangle his wife. Wood has quite a gift with that sardonic humor, doesn’t he?

Continue reading “New Yorker to Women: Drop Dead”

Your Elbows Are Slutty

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Image via Salon

Single? You may have never guessed that the answer to finding a husband is simple: just cover those skanky knees of yours because if there’s one thing men hate, it’s exposed joints. Or so says Lauren Shields, erstwhile blogger and soon-to-be-author of The Modesty Experiment—the latest in the subgenre of experimental memoir (i.e., the bastard child of Ryan Seacrest and Elizabeth Wurtzel). The Modesty Experiment is a rather bland title, so I’m hoping it includes a peppier subtitle like, “Sluts die alone!” or “Love your body by pretending it doesn’t exist!” Both would be fitting because Shields appears to believe that women’s body issues can all be solved if women just pretend they don’t have bodies. Who knew it was that simple! I guess we can all get rid of our therapists now and spend all that saved money on cardigans! In order to achieve this liberation, women simply need to follow an extremely labor intensive and time consuming dress code.

Oh wait, we’re already doing that…

Continue reading “Your Elbows Are Slutty”

One and Done

 

Image credit: Lauren Sandler
Image Credit: Lauren Sandler

Virginia Woolf, Jane Austen, Edith Wharton, Emily Dickinson, Gertrude Stein, Charlotte Brontë, George Eliot, Louisa May Alcott: what do all of these female writers have in common besides a predilection for neurosis and high collars? They didn’t have children. While many of these women married late, didn’t marry at all, or were, in Woolf’s case, not overly fond of sperm, the primary reason they resisted the maternal path was because being a female writer in the eighteenth, nineteenth, and early twentieth centuries was really hard. Being a mother and writer was well near impossible.

In the intervening years, things have changed—slightly. Although many female business leaders, financial analysts, and Supreme Court justices remain childless, it’s not uncommon to run into a female writer juggling a MacBook and a BabyBjörn. But as Lauren Sandler, author of One and Only: The Freedom of Having an Only Child, points out, you’ll usually find that the BabyBjörn is built for one—and only one. In a recent piece in The Atlantic, Sandler notes that Susan Sontag, Joan Didion, Mary McCarthy, Elizabeth Hardwick, Margaret Atwood and Ellen Willis are all renowned contemporary authors and are all the mothers of one. Continue reading “One and Done”